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It is advantageous that I have the ability to enjoy the quiet.  Some in my situation would not be able to survive the solitude.  It is for those people today I pray words of comfort and joy.

Today I remember the words of Psalm 84.  God sent them to me in a song via the Sons of Korah, because when it’s this quiet, nothing soothes the tired, weary soul like the words of God.  When it’s this quiet, you tend  to contemplate  things like relationships; family; ailing parents; your relationship with God.  With that in mind, two verses stood out for me this morning:

Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.

and

For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.
O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Psalm 84:3-4; 10-12

Why these verses?  Today I had no choice but to accept the bitter realization that my hunger for God remains offensive to some I have loved dearly for many years – fellow pilgrims of the faith.  Perhaps fear or unchecked disapproval of my faith forced a decision to exclude me from a seasonal ‘family’ tradition, carrying with it a sting and an ache that they knew I was alone this year.  Even with that realization, there comes a greater understanding that God is not absent.  Indeed, he is ever present.

But God is greater.  God is greater than our heart. (1 John 3:20)

Today, even when the hurt is huge, I can and do rejoice.

O Lord, I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant.
You have loosed my bonds.
I will offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of the Lord,
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the Lord!

Psalm 116: 16-19

I can’t say I really understand why those of us in the reformed faith are often chastised and ostracized by those in mainstream evangelicalism — sometimes by those who should be fellow sojourners in the faith — walking the cobblestones with you.  It does sadden me, though, because their misunderstanding of the reformed faith is allowing a distance to develop that need not develop.  Still, I can rejoice as I reflect on the hard lessons I’ve had to learn on this journey.

• I cannot walk their journey for them.  I can pray for them.  I can love them in spite of it all – even when criticism and judgment are wrongly placed – even when their own misunderstanding condemns unjustly.
• I can be faithful to what God has revealed to me through his word and rest in the immeasurable joy it brings.
• Most importantly I can wallow in this assurance:  My home is with you, God.  The sparrow has found her nest. And it is lovely and delightful.  Your leaves of grace – your twigs of mercy surround me daily and lift me higher than the mountains outside of my window – as only you can do.  Because you alone, God — you alone, are God.

Today I lay my young at your altar, Lord.  Today I lay my friends there, too.

(Note – if you want to hear the song, click on the Psalm 84 link above…. you won’t be sorry.)

photo by Rebecca Ellison Photography

You know, life is funny.  People are funny.  Some people can be downright weird most of the time (said with a smile).  Perhaps I should interject, ‘especially me.’

Over the past few months I have been assiduously observing human interaction – both physical interaction, verbal interaction and cyberhuman-interaction.  Did I just make up a word?

My observations have concluded that the interaction between humans, no matter how it is achieved, is fairly consistent.  It is consistently the product of our own hearts.  Our own biases.  Our own personal preferences.  Our own apathies and our own sympathies.   Our hearts are full of indifference towards others, even when we try to mask that innate quality which possesses the very core of our hearts.

Yet, the world tells us that this cannot be the case.  The world says that we are, more often than not, good, and that we are capable of perfecting our heart. The world says that because we are created in God’s image that we can certainly be exactly like him — that we can consistently excel in moral excellence, that we can obtain and possess a virtuous heart, that our actions and words are continually honorable because we have defined them to be such and have expectations that they be such.

I have not seen this to be the case over the many years I have lived on this planet.  I am not saying that these things do not occur, because obviously, many of us have experienced and pronounced genuine words of kindness.  We have delivered honest actions from the heart.  We have developed a sympathetic ear that truly resonates compassion for others.

I am, however, saying that these kind of actions are far from consistent in manifestation.  I have observed that the heart is typically deceptive, especially to its owner.  While I don’t wish this to be the case, it has been a fairly consistent observation for both others and for myself.

There is no way to avoid the reality that all types of interactions between human beings are defined by our own human natures.  We do not have the power within ourselves to cleanse our natures from our corrupted hearts.  Our hearts have been corrupt since the moment they were birthed.

It is the nature of our souls to follow the inclination of our own hearts.  Even when we think we have no bias.  Even when we think we are not boastful.  Even when believe that we judge fairly.  Even when we conclude that our intentions are honorable, correct and justified.  Even when we perceive we are consistently gentle and kind.  Even when we try to do any of these things with the very best of intentions.

The fact of the matter is that our hearts and our minds lie to us.  Our feelings lie to us.

But!  there is hope!  A great hope!  A hope greater than ourselves.

God is greater than our heart.

On those joyous occasions when we succeed at being gentle, kind, joyful, patient, faithful, self-controlled, and peaceful with those around us, our greatest joy and comfort is understanding that it is the presence of the very God of the universe which has made this possible within us – within our hearts.

God is greater than our heart.

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. …….By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything.

I John 3:  16, 19-20.

Photograph courtesy of Rebecca Ellison Photography, copyright 2010

Finally, they arrived at our house to pick up their dogs.  Yes, we had the “pleasure” of baby-sitting the dogs….

As they drove into my driveway, IVC (her initials) saw me standing outside of the car and broke out in a genuinely huge smile – the biggest I have ever seen.  She had missed me also.

Later that week I was at the local Vitamin Cottage.  I looked down the breezeway of the shopping center and there was my little girl, helping her pregnant mom unload the groceries from their cart.  I called out her name – she turned – looked – then raised her arms out to me, running as fast as her 2-year old little legs would let her — with a huge grin on her face the whole way.  That grin was real.

Honest love is seen through the eyes of a 2 year old little girl who misses her grandmother so much that her little heart explodes when joy when they are re-united.

Sometimes I think God must feel this very same way.  How He must rejoice when He opens our eyes and we are able to smile honestly at Him!  Genuinely.  Knowingly.  Gratefully.  Humbly.  In Awe of his sovereignty.

Psalm 139:7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

1. Instead of buying something that needs to be dusted and will eventually end up at the local Good Will Store, how about buying a mosquito net, a chicken, a goat, water filters, farm equipment, soccer balls for the kids, clean water projects and much more?  Compassion International has a new “gift” catalog where a plethora of gifts can be purchased for communities who really need them.  And of course, you know since it’s Compassion Int’l, you can trust that the money is spent on that which you request.  It’s part of that integrity thing they value so much.   Here’s the link to the Gift Catalog.
2. You can also sponsor a child – one who desperately needs you – one that can be a part of your very own family.  So many to choose from:  Start Here. Or look to your right.  See that child on the banner?  He (she) is waiting right now.  Or you can choose by country (27 of them), by age, by gender, handicapped, orphan…….where is your heart?  Where is your passion?  Is it so hard to choose to love a little child with our excess?

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 18:10

Right now I am going through Chapter 3, called Rebels Without a Cause. The information in this chapter is specifically intended to teach about our identity — about who we are — inside and outside.

I truly believe there is an identity crisis in America today.  An identity crisis that is deep enough to cause depression.  My concern is that this identity crisis also exists within the evangelical church – a place where identity should be more than understood.  So, I specifically recommend this book for Christians who want to not only grow in their faith, but who desire to grow in their understanding of our relationship with God.

Too often in the Christian world, we define our relationship with God.  Does that sound right?  If God is the author of truth, then ask yourself, “Who defines the relationship?”

Chapter 3 focuses on original sin.  My guess is that most contemporary Christians really do not understand original sin.  Yet, unless you understand original sin, you cannot understand your identity in Christ.

We can really get bogged down in the truth of original sin, so one thing I love that Dr. Horton has done:  he opens the book by helping us to first understand creation.  The creation of the world.  The creation of our physical body.   It was good!  It pleased God.  We were created in His image!  God is our Creator – but we are the creature. Not only does this chapter on creation help us to see the beauty of God in ourselves, it helps us to see and love  those whom He has not called, because they are also his creation.

As John Calvin said, “We must now speak of the creation of man;  not only because among all God’s works here is the noblest and most remarkable example of His justice, wisdom, and goodness, but because…we cannot have a clear and compete knowledge of God unless it is accompanied by a corresponding knowledge of ourselves.”  (The Institutes of the Christian Religion)

Instead of further personal observation, I am going to put some quotes from Chapter 3.  Remember to keep in mind the beauty of creation as you read these quotes from Dr. Horton about creation and original sin.

• Not only has God left his fingerprints all over creation, he has left upon the human heart a yearning that makes human beings dust the creation for them.  The majestic imprimatur of God’s handiwork that makes us so significant in the universe also holds us responsible for our response to the Creator.  “For since the creation of the world, God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature — have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.“  (Romans 1:20)
• We begin thinking, from birth, that we are the center of the universe.  But we know better.
• God gave Adam his instructions:  “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it, you will surely die.”(Gen. 2:15-17)
• Our fall was complete.  Every area of human life was affected and nothing created by God was left untouched.  Consequently, the stain of sin corrupts us physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally, morally and spiritually.  That doesn’t mean, of course, that we are all brute savages who always carry out every possible evil; it does mean that each one of us is capable of doing so.  Further, it means that there is no hope for human beings to recover themselves or to make amends.  God demands a perfection of the qualities with which he endowed us, and we are corrupt in every chamber.  No part of us can rescue or heal the rest of us.
• The Bible is a good deal more realistic about the human condition than is popular American culture.  Just because humanity declared independence does not mean that it became independent.  We can no more live independently of God than a fish can live independently of water.  “For in him we live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)
• We need to stop running from God and from the guilt that we must all own.  We cannot find God for the same reason that a thief can’t find a police officer.  If we find him, or if he catches up to us, he will expose us for who we really are.  This is why Paul repeat the psalmist in lamenting, “there is no one who understands, no one who sees God.” (Romans 3:11)
• Like the victims of a contaminated blood transfusion, we all have inherited Adam’s guilt and corruption.  This is what theologians call “original sin.”  Adam included us all in his decision and that decision was fatal for the entire race.  This concept is often hard to swallow — particularly in America, where we are saturated with the democratic ideal of being able to decide for ourselves what party we will join  But we did not decide whether we would belong to the Adamic party; we were born into it.
• The psalmist confessed, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me” (Psalm 51:5)
• When a corporation dumps toxic chemicals into one end of a stream, it’s not just that one area that is affected.  Soon the pollution washes all the way down the stream, and the entire river is polluted.  Adam’s rebellion had just this kind of effect.  Our whole race became corrupted – so much so that, viewing us collectively, God concluded, “Together they have become useless”(Romans 3:12) When we are born, then, we are born at odds with a God for whose pleasure we were created.  There are no “innocent little babies,” and the Bible knows of no age of accountability.  One can choose to believe, as I do, that all who die in infancy are saved, but one must credit that to God’s mercy, not to his justice.  God could condemn every infant5 for eternity; there is already enough evidence to make a conviction.  “Sin entered the world through one man  – the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men”(Romans 5:12-18)
• Hence, the human will is in bondage to sin.  This does not mean that we sin against our will (i.e., by force); rather, our will is in bondage to sin, and when we do sin, our sin is in perfect harmony with the will which produced it.
• What can we do?  Nothing!  That’s the point:  “Salvation comes from the LORD” (Jonah 2:9) “It does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.” (Romans 9:16) “No one can come to me unless he Father who sent me draws him” (John 6:44)
• God does not help those who help themselves.  Why?  “For anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from His.” (Heb. 4:10)
• One thing that the Bible makes absolutely clear is that we depend entirely on God, not only for food, air and shelter, but also for salvation.  Remember the confusion that resulted when people began building the tower of Babel, hoping to reach God.  He has never been fond of towers.  God is out of our reach, but we are never out of his.

Well, that’s enough for one post!  Have I whetted your appetite a bit?  Don’t you truly want to accurately understand this important doctrine of the faith?

You may think it’s a downer doctrine, but let me reassure you that it is not – it is an amazing doctrine.  It’s one of those doctrines that puts the amazing back into grace.

Amazing, amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found — ’twas blind but now I see.

The ingredient list is easy – nutritious – and simply wonderful.  It makes a wonderful piece of toast and its texture is comforting to those of us who miss wheat bread.  It holds together well and best of all?  It has no yeast — no rising required!  It should be called a miracle bread.

Scrumptious Sandwich Bread

3/4 cup creamy roasted almond butter at room temp.

4 large eggs

1/4 cup blanched almond flour

1/4 cup arrowroot powder

1/2 tsp. sea salt

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1 T ground flax meal

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease a 7 x 3 inch loaf pan.  (I use olive oil or grapeseed oil.)  Dust with almond flour.  Mix almond butter with handheld mixer until smooth.  Blend in eggs.  Mix dry ingredients together and blend mixture into wet ingredients until well-blended.  Bake 40-45 minutes until knife inserted in middle comes out clean.  Cool in pan for 30 min.

Don’t try to make this in a bigger pan.  It needs this size pan to bake properly.  Besides, the reality is that we shouldn’t be eating huge slices of bread anyway!  But now I can enjoy bread again.  It is virtually grain-free!  You’ll wish you made 2 loaves instead of one.

My childhood was not ideal. The relationship between my mother and father was more than strained, and as a young child, I was not immune from the effects of a loveless marriage.

Yet, by the grace of God, I can look backward today with gratitude and thanksgiving.  My mother did her best to take us to church each Sunday morning.  It was often an embarrassment to be “that child whose father was never present.”  While many did indeed cast a judgmental eye my way, there were others whose eyes radiated with acts of love and kindness towards me.  Those names remain impermeably imprinted upon my heart and mind even today, over 40 years later.

Every Sunday, Mr. Dowdy steered the wheelchair of his disabled wife up to the front row and sat with her during the service.  He didn’t speak often.  It wasn’t his way.  But every Sunday summer morning, he walked quietly up to me and pressed a huge, beautiful yellow rose from his magnificent garden into my young hands.  He knew I loved yellow roses with just a hint of orange on them.  Even though he never said it, I knew that he had been saving the very best rose out of his garden just for me.

His gift said, “I love you.  I care about you.  You have worth.”  He never once spoke of my father, who was less than a father should be.  Instead, he gently showed me what a real father could be.  Through his quiet and faithful actions, this fatherless child could understand the concept of being loved for no other reason than I existed.

Mr. Davis’ demeanor belied his age.  The moment he stepped into the presence of a child, he became like the very best childhood friend any child could ever imagine. My father would not have dreamed of playing with me.  He would never have picked me up and twirled me around in the air, laughing and chuckling genuinely with glee.  But Mr. Davis did.  Mr. Davis taught me to feel joy and every Sunday morning, I experienced belly-laughs while securely dangling from his large, safe hands.

Imogene Jones taught our Wednesday night girls’ auxiliary.  She shared her love of missions with me and expanded my horizons to see beyond my ‘self.’  One evening we were studying a map of Africa.  I remember hearing a voice from somewhere deep inside of my head which told me that one day, I would go to Africa.  Mrs. Jones allowed me to dream as only a child can dream.

Four years ago I went in Tanzania to meet two of our children whom we sponsor through Compassion International.  It was as if God gently breathed into my ear, “I told you that one day you would come to Africa.  And now, you are here.”

And as only God could do, He knew I would love Amani and Witness from the deepest place in my heart, a heart molded by God through Mr. Dowdy, Mr. Davis and Mrs. Jones.

Three people. Three people I should have forgotten about long ago.  A teachable moment; a beautiful flower; a genuine touch of love;  these things saved the heart of an innocent child, then transformed it into a heart driven to serve God.  Their hands became my hands.  Their words became my words.  Their acts of kindness hopefully will continue to shared with others through me.

Would you, like Mr. Dowdy, craft the heart of another to love the fatherless child based on no merited favor of any kind?

Would you, like Mr. Davis, mold the heart of another to feel through the eyes of a child who could not understand unconditional love?

Would you, like Mr. Jones, instill a heart of compassion with the heart of another to love the poor; those who suffer both financially and spiritually?

These single acts of mercy did not originate from the heart of man.  They originated from the author of mercy – from the very heart of God.   But God…. being rich in  mercy…. because of the great love with which he loved us…. showed this one child, the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards me in Christ Jesus.  What a tremendous gift to receive such mercy from our real Father through the human hands of his very own children!

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 

Ephesians 2:4-7

In the Q & A Session (#3), Dr. Ligon Duncan does a wonderful job job putting into words something that has been on my mind for the last decade –or two — or three.  Before I share his words with you, I need to explain what was living deep inside of me during those years.

For many years, my heart and mind felt as if it lived in an evangelical wasteland.  There was no rest for me in the churches with which we tried to unite.  To be sure, there were many wonderful people in those churches – friendships that still remain today.  Still, something continued to eat through me as I became an ardent student of God’s Word.  The more I understood God’s Word, the more troubled my soul became.

As I look back, when I walked into the doors of those churches, I never really felt as if I had stepped into the presence of God.  I never really felt as if God was being honored in worship.  I never really felt as if learning about God was the primary concern for most of those in attendance.  And it’s not because I failed to step through a variety of denominations and non-denominations.  I was open-minded in my search to find the people of God, united as the people of God.

So often during the worship services at those churches, my mind would remain still and numb.  I would open up the large study bible on my lap hoping to learn something that I could write within the margins of that book — words of truth that I would want to remember.  Sadly, the margins remained quite empty during those years.

I went through various stages of mental justification for these churches.  Surely it was alright if the church had a genuine desire to be more like the world in order to attract the non-believer.  Surely it was alright if the means that were used gave a glimmer of hope of bringing them to Christ.

I went through various stages of personal justification, as well.  I reasoned — what a perfect place to be a missionary!  Since I was capable of being a “self-feeder,” it shouldn’t matter what the service was structured like or what the content of the sermons contained.  After all, it wasn’t about me, was it?

In the end, I discovered that these churches were indeed very lonely places to be.   Not socially, but spiritually.   The more missional I tried to be, the more I recognized the the spiritual emptiness and void that existed within their walls — and the more my heart went numb inside.  It really doesn’t work to “do Christianity” in a spiritual vacuum.  In fact, it isn’t safe to do it alone — to be a “self-feeder” of God’s Word.

So many of the sermons at these churches were emotional and experiential in nature.  Step 1, 2, 3 – “How to be a Better Parent” or titles that would suck their life from the contemporary culture — titles like “Desperate Households.”   (It’s really true – not only did they use this title, but they built an entire house on stage just so the pastor could enter through the front door to the theme of Desperate Housewives before delivering his message.)  Some of them tried to weakly teach but I would often catch errors within their words, especially at the non-denominational churches.  One an error is caught, it’s hard to trust that God’s Word is being applied accurately.

I don’t want to seem too harsh here.  Mistakes happen.  Even the pastor is human.  The difference is the willingness to admit the error.  The problem is that many of these pastors have had no seminary training (and yes, there are good and bad seminaries.)  Thus,  the willingness to wrestle through the scriptures by studying them deeply with accountability of leadership in place — in an institution committed to God’s Word — one that teaches how to accurately understand not only scripture, but the history of the church — is now an essential in my opinion.

I know that within the intent of these casual sermons was the hopeful desire that non-Christians would feel a sense of oneness with the body of Christ located within those walls.  I know that their motives were sincere and genuine.  I know their intentions were good ones.  Still,I would murmur to myself, “This is nothing more than I could read in a self-help book written by human hands….”

In addition, all too often I saw nothing different within the walls of those churches than what I saw in the outside world around me.  Conversations among friends were rarely spiritual in nature – they were almost always social in nature.  I’m not saying this is a bad thing, but it’s not a good thing if that is the only kind of conversation going on inside of the church.  Indeed, fellowship is important in the body of Christ, but it should not be the only reason people come together as The Body.

Sunday School classes were phased out.  There was no interest from the congregation in classes of content.  Occasionally a Sunday School class would sprout up about the latest, greatest new book like The Purpose Driven Life or the latest new fad within Christianity. Then a fledgling few might engage for a few weeks in a small group.  There was no accountability of leadership for any of these groups.

I can say now that I understand why my heart was restless.  Dr. Ligon Duncan said it so well in the Q & A #3 session of this video series.  He said:

One does not find one’s at-homeness with the people of this world, the people who are not in union with Christ.  Your thinking is derived from God’s Word.  Your place of at-homeness is with God’s people.  We are the outposts of heaven in this world.  When we find ourselves more at home with the world than we find with God’s people, then something is wrong. (Dr. Ligon Duncan)

So who are God’s people?  To me they would have to be the people who hunger and thirst after God — who understand that they are at church for more than fellowship.  They are the people who have been chosen before the foundation of the world to be His.  They are the people whom He loves.  They are the people He sacrificed His Son for — so that they might live in eternity together, forever.  When I think of the sacrifice that He made on my behalf, I am humbled.  I am more than humbled.  I am in awe.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.  In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,  who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.  Ephesians 1:4-14